In Response To ‘Men Explain Things To Me’

Now, the sarcasm I can’t stop from slipping into my otherwise valid opinions is not as effective without knowledge of what types of comments others made.
I could just link the article, but I wasn’t brave enough to read the actual comments there, I just read the ones on the Feminist Frequency (who shared it) Facebook page.
I honestly didn’t read all the article either, I skimmed it and the rest didn’t seem very to the point. So this is really less of a response to the article ‘Men Explain Things To Me’ but more to the general attitude which I have previously discovered (and been disturbed by).
Perhaps read those complimentary thoughts of mine here afterwards.

Here is what I wanted to say :
No, I don’t get what this person is talking about, I don’t experience this. I feel really uncomfortable in this area of feminism and other groups of people. Because I think it borders on hypocritical and I feel kind of disgusted.
I do not like to make up words for people and label them with it whenever I disagree with their opinion. It makes me think of those some men that would call a woman ‘feminazi’.
And why should your judgment be unquestioned… Isn’t it very subjective, based on your experiences as your own person? ‘Mansplainers’ judgment probably is too. It is just a thing that people do, it is an issue we will all encounter as human beings.
Now please explain to me, some stranger, from your position as an experienced woman, why I’m wrong and not allowed to have an opinion? Or am I okay because I’m female? In any case please do so in a condescending manner and tell me how precious my opinions are.

Additional thoughts :
I still identify as a feminist, but it’s difficult. I don’t want to be associated with these people and ideas. I guess I am my own brand of feminist and I’m not interested in any one elses. I mean, I have been interested… I have followed groups and read articles (shared them here too!) to learn more, but really only in the hope they would be views I agree with – unlike these, which make me throw up in my mouth a little.
I’m not going to learn to be a cookie-cutter feminist that knows all the right words because that’s not who I am.
A bit like how I don’t want therapy because I want to think like me and not others who apparently think ‘righter’.
I will continue to express my thoughts, no matter how ignorant they are, because they are well intentioned and unique.

P.S   I just Googled ‘womansplaining’ (that’s right, I went there!) and I found this discussion on tumblr that, while some of them use their vocabulary in an exasperating manner, I found insightful and the last paragraph sums up my feelings wonderfully.
http://permutationofninjas.tumblr.com/post/21426561912/unpopular-opinion-i-dislike-the-term-mansplaining
Thank you everybody who has expressed their views on this.

“I like people, and I like it when people are treated well.”

http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2013/04/06/misogyny-sexism-and-why-rps-isnt-shutting-up/

Here is something I really enjoyed reading, it makes good points, it’s honest, and it isn’t violent or hurtful.
I particularly like the examples it gave of overt and more subtle kinds of sexism and misogyny, I found the discussion of them very powerful.
I discovered this article because it was shared by Feminist Frequency on Facebook – I personally admire Anita Sarkeesian, I find her opinions to be fair and she expresses them well.
EDIT:: yeah, not so sure how I feel about that last statement now… well, I haven’t actually been watching her videos, and I’m following her Facebook page and I’m not sure if it’s occasionally her or just her followers that keep saying gross things I disagree with.

What do you think this means?

This isn’t a rhetorical question like my other post titles.
I’d like to know how other people interpret this statement I have seen ‘shared’ on Facebook by women.

 

Thoughts, please

Glory Box (hope chest)

Earlier this year before my 15th birthday, I started planning a glory box – also known as a hope chest (in America I think).
My sister was moving out, and I was getting excited thinking about the shopping and planning they got to do, and my Mum noticed – she also noticed I kept stopping and looking at dinner sets, cups, etc.
So she suggested I start a glory box.

I decided to kinda do it as a homeschooling project – at school the year 10s did an ‘IPP’ I think, which was an individual personal project or something, so its kinda my equivalent.
This is an essay-ish I wrote on it… I have to remember to take the disgusting joke (I suggest you do not Google the italicized word in the brackets) out of it before I show the educational inspector person >>;

A ‘glory box’, also known as a ‘hope chest’ or ‘cedar chest’, was traditionally a collection of items to serve as a girls dowry for when she got married.

Marriages were commonly arranged in exchange for property, business or money from her husband’s family, and the family of the girl would provide all the items required to make a home – and these items would be collected from a young age, and stored in a chest (normally made of cedar to protect the contents within), for easy movability into her new home.

Glory boxes (never to be confused with glory holes..)  are uncommon in today’s families, except very traditional, often religious and/or homeschooling, homes where the glory box is inherited from mother to daughter.

I’ve decided to start a modern glory box for when I move away from home in a few years, instead of for marriage which would be a long way off.

My glory box will include some basic kitchen and dining wares, linen, towels, home-made crafts, and anything I may want to keep to pass onto future children.

This way, when I start on my own for the first time, I don’t have to worry about it not feeling like a home, or scrounging up money for the basics and extras I need when I’m also trying to pay the bond.

And most of the electrical appliances would be gifts from family and friends, so I can just move into a ‘home’ straight away instead of just a ‘house’.

For now I’ll be storing my items in my wardrobe, but I will be getting a chest for my 15th birthday.

And if I keep my chest in good condition, I may be able to give it to a daughter I may have when I’m older – which will be a nice family tradition and way of bonding, especially if I have adopted children.

I have started a list of glory box items assisted by ideas from Mum and the internet.

My Mum and I will be hand making some things for my glory box, such as placemats, Christmas decorations, throws, wall-hangings, and more.



Now, unfortunately I don’t have my chest yet.
My sister has an old chest with pretty Asian-ish carvings someone gave her, but the hinge is broken, and, well, its old.
My sisters friend also has the same or a similar carved chest with a matching coffee table of which I am envious.
I’ve also seen another one in my friends house.
Recently one of the same came into a local store with very nice unusual furniture I’ve been checking in for a while, but on the inside it seemed quite flimsy, like it wouldn’t hold all I would want it to, and the latch didn’t seem to shut properly – so I was disappointed, and didn’t get it 😦
So I’m really not sure about my mode of storage.

Today I’ve been looking at pictures of cute things I’d like to get, or get things that are similarly adorable.
I want to have a house filled with cute things, things that make me happy – living alone (or with a roommate) probably isn’t easy and I want to be surrounded with things that make me smile, not things that are boring and plain.
They’re still practical things, mind you, like measuring cups and tea sets and fry pans, they just are shaped like cats or have pandas on them :3
Most of these adorable items I love are from modcloth.com – which apart from having beautiful 50-style dresses, has home gifts and various books.
I’d love to order some of this stuff, but it can be quite expensive, and the shipping alone would be like over $20 because it’s international.

At the moment in my room I have my baby blanket, a massive knitted throw, and my teddy bear quilt (which I use currently), all made by my Mum.
I also kinda caved and bought some pop-up books for my future children >>; one of them is about warriors, and has an illustration where if you pull a tab someone gets disemboweled, and the other one is ‘Alyss Of Wonderland’, which as it turns out is a companion to a book series ‘The Looking Glass Wars’ which I will have to get now, lol.
I have the cutest half of my Dad’s old elephant collection (little figurines, not real ones) sitting on my desk going dusty, which I will hopefully preserve for my children.

Another great idea is a recipe scrapbook – collect a bunch of recipes I like, put them in a pretty scrapbook full of decorations, maybe some dried herbs and stuff 🙂
With an accompanying practical plastic folder of recipes, to actually follow as a cook – I wouldn’t want my pretty scrapbook getting dirty.

Other things I plan on getting are mugs, glasses, small dinner and cutlery sets, cushions, towels and bathmats, tea towels (which will actually be coloured cloth nappies, like my Mum uses – real ‘tea towels’ are too thin and get soaked!), a sewing box/basket, a toolbox (pink, ofcourse), maybe a cute little emergency kit (yes, they can be cute, too!), some sheets and linens.

And these aren’t things I will be actively hunting for, or spending lots of money on.
It’s stuff I’d buy because it’s on sale, or because I just see something that I think is really special.
Like, mugs are just going to be average, non-expensive things, but I’d like to have a very pretty tea set… although, I should probably start drinking tea O.o; haha.

I’d like to look around IKEA – I think they sell Alessi products there, and I wants me a magic bunny to hold me toothpicks!

I’ve been reading through an old forum on the australian vogue website about glory boxes.
Two things bothered me a little – for starters, all the arguments over feminism… I think feminism is about having a choice, the choice to be a successful woman, to work, and also to be proud of your domestic accomplishments, there is no reason to belittle people that want to make a home.
I would call myself a ‘feminist’, but because I believe we are all equal (although different), not because I think men are lesser, or that traditions or domestic things aren’t important.
Wearing aprons, baking cookies and popping out babies should be just as much a feminist right as having a career and being independent, because it’s about what I want to do, and I can do it all if I want to.
I claim ‘feminist’ as a word of equality and choices, not of man-hating and lesbianism (although the latter is a totally valid choice), just as I claim ‘glory box’ as a term of planning and independence, instead of archaic beliefs and sexism.

Oh, geeze, where did all that seriousness come from?
Anyway, my other problem was that people always warn you against buying things that are patterned, unusual, or likely to go out of fashion…
I know peoples tastes change, but just because something ‘goes out of fashion’, doesn’t mean you won’t like it any more!
Things come in and out of fashion all the time, but I like them all the time – I mean, it’s not like glory boxes are in fashion, but I still want one!
I’m not going to buy a bright red set of sheets, or black towels, but that doesn’t mean everything has to be white.
I mean, they say “buy white things now, and add coloured things later”… you still got the boring white things, now you just got extra coloured things O.o;
In my inspiring pictures, I have a set of plates and bowls that are bright purple with blue and green and brown paisley patterns – by the time I get sick of them, I’ll probably need to buy new ones, or they’ll be good for the childrens table or BBQs…..   hopefully.
But anyway, I like them.
Go colour! Go paisley! Go kittens and pandas and birds! Go horrible decisions that you’ll regret later! BE FREE!!

Anyway, I think thats the end of this blog.
I’d like to add some pictures, but I did a big picture post yesterday about old kids pc games (old referring to the pc game part, not the kids part… that would be weird.)
Now I need a picture of old kid…

“HOWS IT GOIN!?”

(from Invader Zim, btw)

 

PLEASE READ, EDIT::: Okay, in this blog I mentioned the stereotype of feminism being man-hating and lesbianism.
To note that I didn’t have anything against lesbianism, I put ” and lesbianism (although the latter is a totally valid choice)” but thinking about it almost a month later I realised that is even more offensive than if hadn’t added any clarification at all.
Because lesbianism ISN’T A CHOICE, and I know that and always have – it’s just who you are 🙂

It’s okay, because “he’s a guy”? and other sexism

I thought about this ages ago and forgot to blog about it, so forgive me if I’m a bit all over the place, I’m trying to remember my point! lol

ah, ‘The Line’ is a page on Facebook run by The Australian Government.
They ask questions, do polls, and give and ask for advice on relationships.
It’s goal is to talk about what trusting, healthy, and respectful relationships are, and whether or not people are ‘crossing the line’.

One poll was about bragging – if you hook-up with a hottie, do you brag about it to everyone, or keep it to yourself, and why?
I said I wouldn’t brag, because it’s no one else’s business, and I wouldn’t want to seem like an attention seeking whore.
There is also the issue of being considerate for the person you hooked up with – maybe they don’t want that spread around, and are private people.
And I started to think, maybe, that when guys brag and behave like attention seeking whores, they aren’t called out on it – or they are, but then it is quickly dismissed as them ‘just being a guy’.
I might be wrong, girls just seem to get a bit more persecution for this, and unless it’s a sexist prick saying it, they don’t have the excuse of ‘just being a girl’.

But that being said, I think the ‘just being a guy’ thing is sexist to both genders.
The guys get an excuse for their behaviour where girls don’t, and are in a way encouraged to behave badly or disrespectfully.
It’s also a bit of a nasty generalisation, like “oh, all guys behave like that”, like they are all sleazy or egotistical.
And while I wouldn’t encourage the same behaviour in women, it’s like… men are allowed to objectify women, but women aren’t allowed to objectify men?

Another thing about sexism…
On the news recently they were talking about how the modern Australian guy is more likely to be good at cooking, cleaning and parenting, as opposed to handy-man stuff.
So they were saying it was unfair that men are expected to do everything (domestic stuff, and handy-man stuff, and bring home the bacon)… but what they were forgetting, is that so are women.
Modern women are traditionally expected to take care of all the domestic chores (as men are traditionally expected to take care of fixing things, lifting things, etc), but they are now expected to work jobs as well as raise their children, and I think most women learn how to use a hammer and nail.

And, as a modern girl, I believe in the whole “women can do everything a man can do” thing, but that doesn’t mean we’re the same.
Actually, when I think about it, I think men are better equipped to do ‘everything’ than women, even thought most modern women may think otherwise.
Womens bodies are built differently… we’re not as strong, not as built for labour (apart from, ya know, labour as in child-birth) – so unless we’ve bulked up through exercise, not so good for ‘handy-man’ stuff.
But men have stronger bodies naturally, but that doesn’t mean they can’t take care of children or clean the house.
The only thing men don’t have, are boobies, but you can feed your baby with powder formulas now anyway (though I’m pretty sure boobies are the way to go).

Now, there is a lot of sexism still alive today, and probably always will be, because not all forms of sexism are considered to be wrong.
They might be called the ‘nice kind’ of sexist, and really are considered to be good manners, and good old fashioned values, although to some women its just as condemnable as other forms of sexism.
For example, not hitting a girl, even if she hits you – I guess this is considered similar to hitting a child… it’s someone who is supposed to be weaker than you, and you are supposed to protect them.
Now, if I hit a guy, I would NOT want him to hit me back, lol… they would do like 5 times the damage I did to them.
How about holding the door open for a lady? it’s just a nice gesture… and occasionally I do the same for old people, children, but not just them, I also hold the door open for fit adults of either gender if I feel like it… I would hold the door open for kids the same age as me at school sometimes.

When I was watching The Tudors recently, a woman was tortured for being a ‘heretic’… it seemed to me, that it was worse, for them to be torturing a woman than if they were torturing a man – maybe it seemed worse to me because it was worse for some of the characters, like a nice young man that went to tell the King about it (only to be told it’s okay because she’s a heretic…. that makes everything better!)
But ofcourse, I hate to see the men tortured too, and they get tortured in worse ways (hot poker up the rear, anyone?).

Anyway, then they burned her.
I’m thinking of a quote from Ducky from NCIS – “women will never be equal in our eyes until they’re equal in death”.
It was different when a female agent died, they felt they should’ve protected her, or maybe that she shouldn’t have been in harms way in the first place.

And now my thoughts are all over the place because I started talking about TV shows, lol… well, been typing for like 2 hours… so…. *gives up*

I guess my final point was – is it a bad thing to want to protect people? I think I’d be quite glad to have a boyfriend with the ‘nice kind of sexism’, although I know at times it might bother me.
Oh, and that I will call guys out as attention seeking whores when they are, no excuses! lol.

Oh, oh, and um… I would call myself a feminist.. maybe a ‘mild’ feminist, lol, but I do believe in women’s rights and equality, but there is a point some feminists (not all) reach where it’s just sexism towards men.
And I think maybe thats the kind of feminist that is offended by men wanting to protect her or assist her – maybe thats just denial that women and men ARE different, and women DO have some disadvantages.
I admit children aren’t as developed as adults, and I am a child – I admit women are built different from men, and I am a woman.