I can’t find a place in any community.
An online community would be convenient, for sure…
But it’s been a long time since I’ve made any positive connections on the internet.
I find it to be an overwhelmingly negative place.
I avoid interactions with other people, outside of liking my friends statuses.
I ‘liked’ a news website recently and had to unlike it because I hated 90% of their followers, reading their crap made me feel negative but I couldn’t… not.
And gee, the sheer amount of the negativity people put out there… how can they do it? doesn’t it make them feel awful?
I’m over this stuff, I’ve learnt. I know to control myself… as much as (although from what I’ve seen more than) the next person can.
I can’t find anyone to agree with or even understand, let alone like – from video games to anxiety/depression forums.
I’m reading this at the moment http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/technology/communication-etiquette/negativity-00100000073022/ which I’m finding interesting despite one really awful analogy (injoke: NO MOAR CARROTS 4EVER *cries*)
Okay, so… real life communities.
Well, I’m in one, I just struggle with it sometimes.
I go to the local drama groups workshops, and I’m in their musical productions.
I’ve been feeling really depressed again lately (although Spring looks like it’ll clear it up nicely) it’s been a gradual build up because of poor health… I had blocked ears for like 2 months, I felt disabled and I couldn’t audition for a leading role because of it.
Got my ears syringed by a nurse (y) which is rather unpleasant, like visiting the dentist or cleaning your belly button.
And now I’ve had a cold for two weeks, so I missed a workshop (plus the one before), a rehearsal, and A QUIZ NIGHT… but I hadn’t made any plans to go anyway because no one would go with me.
I’m feeling a bit of petty resentment that no one’s shown concern for me when I’ve not gone.
I feel abandoned.
I’m living with my Dad, my Mum is living with her boyfriend, my sister just doesn’t visit.
I have a great Dad, but he’s not my mother, I don’t feel comfortable talking to him or asking him for help, and he’s working like 10/5 (LOL)
Feeling a bit proud of myself just because I did all my laundry… haha.
That’s really an achievement for the last few months.
Which is a bit sad.
So many things I should do…
07 Oct 2010 Leave a comment
in Uncategorized Tags: 'bang!' gun, Australia, autumn, bargain hunting, Batman, birthday, cross-dressing, fall, female Joker, gender-bending, halloween, Harley Quinn, Joker Girl, male Harley Quinn, october, op-shopping, reverse gender, salvos, second-hand, spring, The Dark Knight, The Joker, trick or treat, tricks, witches
Australia doesn’t have it =(
I know, I know, ‘wtf’.
Well, we don’t NOT have Halloween, it’s on our calenders, its in our stores (albeit overwhelmed by Christmas trees), and there may be the occasional costumed trick or treater or deco’d house.
But, it’s just not very Australian, not very widely celebrated – the cities might go off, but I don’t think my town gets up to much fun… maybe a few delinquent kids being rowdy.
It doesn’t have the same imagery either – it’s Spring here.
No howling Autumn winds, crispy fallen leaves, swirling in orange and brown.
Just… green… some flowers… yeah.
I really want to dress up though!
I’ve been thinking of doing a female The Joker since last years Halloween – but I get kinda put out when I think I have no where to go and no one to hang out with anyway, lol.
But, I might do something with my friends (good news, I don’t think they’re homophobic :3), maybe have a spooky gathering of horror movies (I hate horror movies >.<)
I have some gross purple pants I got from an op shop, but I think I’ll ditch them and go for purple skinny jeans, or a (neither mini nor long) skirt.
Also, even though I love Heath Ledger and the darker Joker from The Dark Knight, I think it’d be funner to go for a more oldschool Joker, like from the comics and cartoons (which is kinda in between Heath Joker and Jack Joker – in style and feel not in time)
I need a toy gun that says ‘Bang!’ =D
So, to complete my outfit I’m thinking purple coat (hopefully tailcoat but will go for blazer or trench), orange shirt, green vest, green necktie, funky socks, black dress shoes or boots.
Hair will be curled and spray painted green (not real paint green, that stuff your supposed to put in your hair, lol), and I’ll need to get some red lipstick and something to whiten my face… hopefully real make-up, not face paint.
So, yeah… I probably won’t get this stuff together before Halloween, lol, but I hope I do.
Maybe I can get my parents to help pay for it as part of my birthday present – although I’m planning on uber opshopping so it shouldn’t be much.
I’m just kinda broke at the moment because I don’t have a job yet and I spent my money on lace gloves, a huge gold elephant necklace, and some stupid top that matches my gloves…. ^^;
I wish my male friend from America was here, or I were there, so that he could be a male Harley Quinn to match my Joker Girl *sigh* one day.