does anybody feel pure want?

I feel incomplete and quite empty… I have no ambition, or purpose, or passions.
Well, what passions I do have don’t go anywhere.
I like designing fashion, but if you asked me if I WANT TO design fashion, I would say No.
I’ve signed up for a course in business administration and now I’m just filled with ‘I don’t want to’, like when I make any appointments or commitments.
I feel like I have no enthusiasm.
I’m in a musical. Do I think the musicals good? yes. Do I ‘want’ to be in it? not really.
My wants just amount to frustrations, it’s… it’s effort.
I say I have no motivation but apart from that I must just be completely lazy.
I feel like I’m broken to be like this, nevermind any other issues I have with depression/anxiety.
I’m sick of it.

I just don’t even know AGAIN.

Mum keeps nagging me about using my blog.
Fair enough if its school or quilting stuff, but I don’t want my personal stuff on here anymore.
Whats the point of writing about things that upset me, or that I’ve already talked to my mother about (except for the fact shes tried of listening to me)?
Or maybe I want to put that on a different blog and make sure theres just one for school/quilting.
I really don’t know what to do or how to go about it.
Every diary I’ve had I’ve ripped into a million shreds because it’s a pointless black hole of alternating boring and depressing bullshit, why is this different?

I just went through my emails and my accounts on various things, made a new msn, so that when I am ready I can dive in.
I got sad looking through my YouTube account because I used to make music videos using movie clips, and upload them – my total video views are 1 million, I have over 100 subscribers, and while thats not much compared to actual popular people onYT, it made me feel a little proud.
I won’t use it, but I can’t delete it, and it’s existance makes starting again pointless.
I should atleast save some of my videos from the wrath of copyright infringement laws >>; but I’m a bit lazy, once again.


post about heart blocks lap quilt
post about spa kit
post about depression
post about hour a day plan
post about sketching and other artwork

and something that causes me a little bit of worry : if I post pictures of my artwork, will some bugger with no taste knick them???

DRAFTS!? help!

I was typing the header for todays ACTUAL blog post, and I got up to “External Hard Drive, ” and I went to put an apostrophe to put the next word in, when I hit enter by accident!
It said something about saving it – at first I thought it had published – and something about previewing drafts.

I decided I didn’t want to do the whole post now anyway, so I filled out the full title, clicked on ‘save draft’, and got out of it.
I cannot find my drafts anywhere!
I Googled ‘wordpress help drafts’ and found a post of someone saying their drafts had disappeared – someone said if its not under ‘Recent Drafts’ or ‘My Drafts’ its gone, and I’m sitting hereĀ  yelling “I DON’T EVEN HAVE A MY DRAFTS!”
Where the frick do I find this stuff???????????
I suppose it doesn’t really matter, but I’d like to know how to access and save drafts if I want to save an actual post in the future.

I HAVE used drafts on WordPress for iPhone, and saved like two actual posts as drafts, that I probably will never publish, but I can’t see those on my computer either.
Wordpress, you kinda suck right now.