And this is where I’d put my faith in humanity… If I had any.

I’m so disappointed about peoples birth experiences, it just seems to say you cannot trust hospitals to provide a professional, respectful service – can anyone (let alone the dozens of other staff apparently all having bad days!?) really think that there is an excuse for seemingly calculating the mistreatment of a patient?
I have worked, in my experience you’re too busy to think about your personal problems, and if someones attitude rubs you the wrong way you don’t overcharge them – you wish them a nice day like everybody else.
This is one tiny day of your life, and the biggest day of someone elses!
Even if your mother were DYING in the same freakin hospital, if you have time to be racially insensitive you have time to shut the fuck up and do your job.


It’s really frustrating because there are people on my friends list who have said / shared things that are so repulsive, so mean, so stupid, so personally insulting that there’s really no good reason for me to be friends with them, because surely those things are a reflection of them as a human being and how they must view me if I share, or defend, the opinions they mock. But I’ve been unaware or let it go at the time, now I’m mad at myself for not saying anything and I can’t look at them the same way. I could write an essay on the absurd vitriol that I feel confronted with almost every where I turn as a person from a non-vaccinating family, I should and share it with everyone but it’s just too hard.

Feeling really cranky, and restless maybe, I dunno… Just stuffed some chips in my face.
I know theres only so many hours in a day so I’ve got no body to be mad at, but I just really want some help.
But I don’t think I can get help from one parent (or do if myself) with the other one around.
I’m just real sad and tired and I can’t deal.
I don’t think I can make much progress with my singing lessons not practicing at home.
I guess I’d like to be able practice around people, not being nervous singing around others is ideal I suppose, but that actually doesn’t feel like a realistic prospect to me and I don’t WANT to, what I want is to be alone for so many reasons.
Admittedly it’s really comforting to have another person in the house, especially when they’re making me dinner!
Maybe I could cope better if I had a bigger, tidier space.
I remember I was singing at home for a while, in a different house with mum.

I feel so sick lately, I dunno whats going on. I feel generally nauseous. I’ve been basically breathing through my mouth for like 4 days, but I don’t think I have a cold… I thought I was getting a throat tickle at one point but I think that was just exercise = thirst + mouthbreathing.
I don’t know what to doooo… Not finish off this block of chocolate ? Not happening lol

Goddamnit, sister!! I’m just trying to sleep, I don’t want to get mad because you keep shoving shitty things people say in my face.

“Conditioning works hard to make us believe the lie that if the externals of life were different we would be happy and satisfied.”

I DO kinda believe that 😦 :/
But I thought it was more about protesting the conditioning that we should do certain things and be in a certain place in life.
It is conflicting, on one hand I want to be ‘normal’ and have a job and an education because apparently everybody else is happy so maybe that’s where I went wrong.
But the idea that I should have a job and education make me very distressed and I certainly wasn’t 100% happy when I had them nor did I feel fulfilled (especially the schooling)
It’s vaguey anyway, what are they talking about?
What are the externals of life, I would think the societal norms, the way the world is – if only we were richer, even more privileged.
And yet that’s also what I think the “conditioning” would be…. WHAT IS ITTTT

I have a stuffy nose 😦 anyway
I would probably sleep better or not feel like crap in the morning if I didn’t have this idea in my head that I must be in bed until like 7.
Once I go to bed I’m there for the whole night and avoid moving (except I’m constantly having to blow my nose).
I figure getting up will disrupt my sleep but it can’t be worse than lying there anyway thirsty and needing to pee and with sore eyes evidently from being shut too long!?
It’s probably worse since I moved my phone out my room because the only way to get any light is to turn the lamp on and suffer the bright light, and then I’ll go get my phone anyway so I can take a light into the bathroom instead of turning the noisy fluorescent on.
And here I am.
A sensible person would just have nightlites but it’d be a strange addition after living in a house for 2+ years…!?

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