I just want to give up.
Like I think I said the other day, which everyone ignores (well they probably can’t do anything about it but they could try), I might, MIGHT have time to clear my ears between now and information night / auditions, I can’t try to clear my ears while taking singing lessons / practicing for the auditions because it just draws my attention to the problem, but my ears hurt and everythings dull and it’s just becoming unbearable.
I’m freaking out and so miserable with it. Blocked nose on top of everything else. Spending two nights barely being able to breathe or sleep at all is so good for me.
I just want to stay home and do nothing. I want to stay home and BE ALONE so if I do want to do anything I can without the added stress of working around somebody else.
I’m going to have to call my singing teacher and say I can’t come because I’ll just cry if I do, but I can’t bring myself to do it at all… It just seems like too little too late, I don’t know whats worse – showing up and wasting her time or not showing up and wasting her time. Here I am wasting time typing this… I just have no excuse though.
If I wasn’t mortified that dad might overhear my phone call, I’d tell her he doesn’t want me to go, at least that has some kind of authority.
I’m too mortified anyway, if you have to call and tell someone you’re wussing out because you’re too sick/upset/stressed, you don’t want anyone to hear. I just want my mummy.

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