So, I plugged my phone in the lounge room for the night.
Which simply means I’m sitting on the floor typing this instead of from my bed.
I can’t stop my brain thinking at night.
I’ve been doing this MoodGYM and trying to put my thoughts into words.
I considered blogging as I did it but I didn’t want to effect my results by being “negative” about it, aka examining it like any sensible person.
It’s basically online CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) so it goes on about “it’s not the event but your thoughts about the event that cause your feelings.” or as they also put it… Some crappy acronym I can’t remember.
It’s both ridiculously obvious, and flawed.
On one hand, OF COURSE it’s not the spilled water that made me feel suicidal, it’s the being stressed about my life situation that did.
On the other hand, if someone were to die, it’s not the thinking about living without them that makes me feel bad, because that’s what dying is! It is the event! No further thought required.
My sisters Facebook account disappearing was enough reason to feel confused and concerned before I thought about it.
So this constant re-evaluation of my mental state with quizzes, is tedious, because so far my mental state has not changed, and I’m struggling to grasp all the different categories of “warped thinking”, and the “straight talk” they try to get me to rectify the warped thinking with is also repetitive. I think I’m doing it wrong. lol

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