(another post suddenly under ‘local’..)
To add a third present emotional stress to my broken and crippled mental state; looking at the vacancies for the week, or rather lack of….
I feel like I’m backed into a corner and I have no options and I don’t think I can survive without an income but I’m evidently not even able to dole bludge let alone do anything actually productive!!
I’m really scared, I don’t feel ready to work or study – I would work if I could find another job but sometimes I think about my time at woolies and as much as I enjoyed it feel intense anxiety and generally like an idiot and a loser.
I know if I start a tafe course I will hate it if it’s on campus and won’t even do it if it’s not.
For years I didn’t need this money and I’ve done nothing but buy clothes with it but pretty sure soon I’ll have no where to live, or I’ll have to be able to pay my way somewhere and I won’t be able to.
Even on the dole, I could pay… and not do anything else. Just pay and pay and not save and have to cut into my savings for bills and days out and anything else I want or need.
I really want a secure place to live… I looked at this ‘duplex’ or whatever to live in with my sisters family and I was so excited and dreamed of owning my own furniture and having more space to do the things I want to do – but I’d still be sharing downstairs with my dad, who is as equally hopeless as I am, and I’d probably feel just as trapped and repressed and have no time to myself, and now that I think about it the bedrooms were probably side by side so lets put it this way… I wouldn’t be buying a vibrator because it would be a complete waste of money.