A few friends of friends were having a discussion on Facebook which at least one of them thought was an argument, in fact to me it looks like they’re talking about two different things.
Anyway, one of them decided to leave the conversations because she was going to work, so she just said
Then the other goes on about how defensive and snippy she seems (even though she was never judgemental) and how she should mind her tone.
One explains why should we drag this out any longer, I have to go.
I liked that comment.
Yeah, she added ‘ill take my snippy tone elsewhere’ which might sound pretty snippy, but what else can you do when someone has TOLD you what your tone is!?
You can’t tell someone what they’re doing, feeling, being. It’s not up to you, it’s up to them. You might think you’ve correctly identified their bad attitude but you haven’t, you’ve made one up (because everything’s so subjective) and now you’re TELLING them they’re a little bitch (or, ya know, have *bad quality*)
This is what I actually typed in the comment box and chickened out…
Telling someone they ARE being anything is a personal judgement to me, which can come across as both ignorant and accusatory when it’s really all subjective and you can never know someone else’s intentions (or even really what their ‘tone’ is on the internet). It’s hard to find the other words sometimes, the ‘feeling’ words, or maybe it’s better not to say things like that at all, but it’s something that really bothers me.
Obviously you can’t control how people take what you say after you’ve put it out there, but so often it seems like people think they are the decider in what this other persons opinion is and can tell it to them, because they’ve made up their minds and won’t really listen anymore.