Just picking on some points from 101 Everyday Ways for Men to be Allies to Women. (google it)
70. Learn and use appropriate vocabulary. Go back to #25 and check out those books. Familiarize yourself. Here are some keywords you should know: feminism, patriarchy, oppression, privilege, resistance, intersectionality, LGBTQQIAA (and what each letter stands for), double consciousness, masculinity, femininity, differences between sex and gender, gender spectrum, sexism (and all of the -isms), glass ceiling, glass escalator, whiteness, etc. That’s a good starter list. Believe me, there’s a lot more.
I’ve already written about why I won’t read feminist literature and stuff. So we need to learn to think in other peoples words in order to express ourselves… that doesn’t actually sound that open minded. And some of it seems like just creating more words to judge each other…. whiteness?!
And about my white heterosexual privilege, sometimes I feel like I’m being kicked for just happening to be born this way (ironic) and just because I was doesn’t mean I’m not poor, depressed, or discriminated against.
89. Don’t fall for websites or causes that claim men are oppressed (by feminism). One example is A Voice For Men. Men are never oppressed by patriarchy. These websites like to depict feminism as a threat to men and masculinity. It’s not… While men’s rights activists hold different perspectives, I would actually recommend reading some of their material to see the difference and create dialogue. It’s good to get angry and hear other groups.
What happened to NOT DENYING OTHER PEOPLES EXPERIENCES? Or does that only apply to black lesbians… And WHY should you get angry at these people? Are you going to use your anger to further your cause by putting other people down? Like for fucks sake. Don’t read opinions determined to disagree with them (I may be guilty of this) and don’t ‘create dialogue’ just to tell people they’re wrong and try to change their minds (that’s why I’m writing this in a blog no one reads, not on the actual article.. that’s not dialogue, right?)
91. Ask questions (but not too many)! If you have a question about allyship, ask fellow feminists! However, try your best not to make these people your sole sources of information. Do research and educate yourself.
Oh, hold up, I found something sensible (actually most of the list is very sensible and everything nice, I’m just referencing this bit because it defends against a previous point)
18. Be pro-choice. Being pro-choice is a given. I say this because women must always have control over THEIR own bodies. The fact that there is legislation and dialogue in our government around this issue completely angers me. Why are men (the majority in our government) making decisions about women’s bodies?
I’m a *woman* and…. okay, yeah, I am pro-choice. In certain circumstances. But I’m not sure I agree with the reason he gives. Abortion is a difficult issue. Someone needs to make legislation to keep people safe, should they just avoid it until there are more women in government? And female does not an expert make. Do you have to support *every* womens or humans rights issue, even ones you don’t agree with, ones that go against your religion, just to be a feminist or ally at all? I don’t think so. You are a person, a whole complete person, don’t define yourself by other peoples bullshit. I would think a person who is pro-life and wants to end honour killings and wars is a non-violent, natural living kind of guy and that’s just gravy.
24. Support same-sex marriage. Given. My sister identifies as a lesbian. As her brother, I have made this point very central to my own work as an ally to women.
Does sexual orientation really have anything to do with what gender you are? You have to support all homosexuals because your sister, a woman, happens to be one and you support women? That doesn’t mean you have to support things that go against laws and religions. I DO support marriage equality. But I get really worried that we’re calling homophobes and catholics horrible names and ostracising them just because they disagree with us!? I don’t think they should have any say in if people can marry or not, so I understand feeling that they’re evil for protesting. But don’t they feel homosexuality is wrong just as strongly as LGWTFBBQ allies feel homophobia is wrong? What if we are wrong? How can either of us condemn the others like that. Sometimes they were raised to believe that, that it’s the truth, how hard would that be to deal with…
I don’t know why I wrote this, I’m probably feeling a little bitter because I keep finding that all these people that are supposed to hold the ‘right’ ideals (feminism, pro-choice, vaccination, gay rights) are just… nasty. Rude, judgemental, haughty, disgusting people. They talk to others like they’re pieces of shit on the sole of their shoes. It’s disappointing. I want to agree with them, mostly. But I can’t when so many of them think it’s okay to treat people like that. To bully others into fitting your ideas of what is right and wrong. They’ve stopped questioning themselves at all, and I start questioning if I actually support their causes. And I don’t have to… it doesn’t make me a racist, sexist, homophobe. Maybe it does make me one of those lazy people that is never going to change the world or make a difference, but I do stand against what I think is wrong when I see it. I’m not sure if protests and large groups of people are actually good. I’m looking at you, Anonymous, you bunch of twats.