I try to get into things, but I’ve never really been a fangirl and I’m never going to be.
I can go through the motions for a while, but I just don’t care enough about x or y and it never lasts.
I don’t really care about bands… if I did, I’d go see them, I’d find a way.
I’ve got friends who have met band members at the airport and I’m really jealous but I’d never make that effort.
I’m not sure if it’s really because I’m not trying or if it’s because I have a lack of support or confidence.
Maybe they’re like “Mum, I’m going to see Blink 182 and stalk them at the airport”, and their Mum says, “that’s great honey! do you want a lift?”… or maybe it’s the magic of actually having friends.
I have tried… I wanted to see San Cisco, Kimbra, Cherry Grind, and I missed out or just couldn’t get any one to go with or take me.
I went to see Kiss… with my Dad. So we kinda just stood there. Good times.
It just fucking sucks really, I mean I enjoyed it a lot but I don’t want to have inhibitions and limitations and for my whole existence to be based on the conditions imposed by others.
But I can’t even explain to my Dad that when I go into my bedroom it’s not because I’m sulking, I’d just like to have 5 minutes of my life not monitored and judged by others.
I don’t want to have that conversation, I just want to be left alone.
I hate even talking on the phone with other people in the house, even with the door shut.
I struggled to even tell my mother I didn’t like my electric blanket on so high.


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