i am so stifled

I have no space in my own home, it’s now definitely no better than anything I’ve had before.
I can’t deal with my bedroom, today my dvds fell behind my television and they are practically irretrievable. I will not get them back until I move.
I still can’t get the storage I want/need and I struggle to utilise what I have.
I’m in a tiny tiny space and whats more it’s not even secure as my own, I don’t feel comfortable in here and I don’t want to be in here.
What’s more, my suspicions were confirmed when my dad asked me if I was okay when I was trying to read my oracle because “I was shut up in my bedroom” – it is weird for me to be in here, it seems antisocial because me and all my things are in the living room with him 90% of the time.
I really do like spending time with him, and I know he’s lonely without me, but I don’t want to sing or dance or anything other than stare at the tv while he’s in the house. And he’s always in the house. I used to get 8+ hours alone a day, then 1 or 2, now it’s nothing.
I wanted my car to be my personal space but a certain someone took it back.

I need the time and space and comfort to fulfill my desires at my whim.
I hate being dependant on others because I can’t even get or won’t ask for what I need from them.
I’m always thinking if I was on my own, I’d stop for a drink because I’m thirsty, walk around barefoot because my feet hurt, and I’d go to kfc if I want to but more importantly I’d have food in the house I actually want to eat.
I’m starting to feel trapped AND lost at the same time, because my course is ending and I have no idea what I’ll do next, but we’ll probably be staying in the same town for at least another year, there are things I want to do here, and why waste money moving into a different house… So I am stuck in more ways than one.
AND… I’m fucking COLD. Why the fuck should I be freezing all the time? I hate this, I don’t know what to do. Put more fucking clothes on.


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