I’m scared.

I feel rather scared and negative.
Like I’m living in dread.
At the same time, I’m wondering if I’m just talking myself into feeling this way.
I’m thinking… I should avoid people, I’m not cut out for anything, maybe I have agoraphobia, I should see a therapist.
I have never gotten anything out of talking to others about my mental health, and the rest of the time I’ve been too afraid to.
All I have been cured of is the idea that there’s anything wrong with me!

I picture where I want to be… I want to live in a nice home, I want to be more independent, I want to be raising children eventually. Sometimes I think I want to study psychology and then I remember I hate it.
How do I get there? How can I afford it if I don’t want to work? I have no desire to achieve these things realistically.

I know I just need to work through this but it is mind-bogglingly difficult when I an so lazy… There must be something medically wrong with me, it’s impossible to be this unmotivated and empty. I just want people to give me things.
I’m not broken, I’m just stubborn.

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