I had a good day today.
I left class organised, feeling like I had accomplished some things, and looking forward to next week.
Bought a jacket from the Salvos (and some chocolate with the change), cool.
But then I get home and, after tidying up some things, I eventually turn on my computer – To organise my emails and check out local news, not bad goals.
It just degrades into a lazy, aimless frustration and I am left sitting there, at 12am, a grotty mess.
I don’t need to check Facebook fifty times, look at clothes I won’t buy, open link after link of articles and I really don’t need to pick my face while doing all this nothing.
I had pretty decent skin this morning, and I might have ruined it for the rest of the week.
Theres a lot of reasons why this happens…
The late hour is always a factor, I’m not sure why, maybe because I should have already washed my face & teeth.
I always make my clothes grubby too, because I should have been in pyjamas.
Maybe it’s because no one’s around to judge me.
The internet, ironically, is not a good place for me. I feel nervous of expressing my own opinion, and afraid of other people.
It’s too easy to dwell on issues that you’re actually looking for a way to relieve.
I spent a lot of tonight reading (and complaining!) about Biggest Loser, which is such an irrational thing to do, I don’t even watch it.
So it’s pointless frustration, nervous tendencies, aimlessness.
It could also be some sort of relief that tomorrow is my “day off” but that’s not any better for me, it’s just at least I don’t have to see any one tomorrow.
Apparently I’m sleeping in my underwear because I feel too gross to put clean pyjamas on.
But then… salvation! the I’m-not-sure-if-dirty-or-not clothes I always have piled up somewhere.